I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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