i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
