we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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