Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
