He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
