I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
