Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
