I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
