Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize