why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
