Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
