Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
