She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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