After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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