coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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