Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
