Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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