Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I deserve this hangover.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
