i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
