sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
