Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
