I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
