just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
