So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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