No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
