He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
