Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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