Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
