and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
