yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
