Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
