my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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