oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
