hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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