My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize