i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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