I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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