I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
