You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
