I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
