Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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