Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
last night I used snow as a chaser
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
