I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
