Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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