I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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