hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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