i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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