wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
