i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
