dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
