Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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