The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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