Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
