Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize