checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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