i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
