You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
