Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
