My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
