It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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