Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
