if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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