he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
