I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
