I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
