Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
