just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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