so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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