I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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